Friday, May 22, 2009

How to uncover your husband's hidden super freak. Part 1

I'm on a mission. A mission to rediscover myself, my husband, and our collective us.

It all started because I started reading some stupid Twilighter fan fiction. I admit it, I, like some other adult women have a fascination with all things Rob Pattinson. I don't have to explain why if you've seen the movie.

So I've been reading fan fic and I quickly realize there is some seriously hot sex going on in these stories. Penthouse and Playboy letters have got nothing on these women writers... This is a smutfest,... if you like that sort of thing.

Go to , register and look for these stories: The List by Laura Cullen The Office by tby789

Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003

Just FYI: Only the List involves vampires, the others' only similarity to Twilight is that they use the same names, and physical descriptions of Rob Patt and Kristen something or another.

So I've been having myself a big fine smutfest of a time reading, getting worked up, taking it all out on my husband, thinking about sex more than 20 times a day, my husband, getting worked up some more, taking it out on him some more. My mind is just about living in the gutter. And it's fun. I kind of like feeling anxious. It makes my heart skip a beat, flutter, and generally makes me feel like the lust-driven teenager that exists only in my head.

So then a couple of weeks ago my husband and I are driving back from somewhere and we're discussing someplace that he and I used to live, and his (pre-me) former neighbors, two women. He says something about the neighbors invited him over and how weird the inside of the house was. So I, Ms. Horn Dog, ask quite innocently "What did they invite you over for?" and my husband Mr. Beneficiary, BLUSHES!!! and then stammers something about how they just needed something fixed!

So inwardly, I'm screaming "Yeeeee-hawwww!!! My husband's a superfreak!" and I am instantly turned on, I don't know why, but I am most definitely intrigued and more than a little curious about exactly what happened. So I ask, pepper him with questions, and he flat-out denies anything sexual ever happening between him and two women, at the same time.

Damn! (Let me just say, for the record, that I have no interest whatsoever in anything involving another woman. Period.) I guess what the big turn-on is, is the mere hint of an idea that my sweet, darlin', lovin', family-man, conservative, very reserved husband is (or was) virile enough to handle two at the same time. (Understand this is just coming out of my hormone driven, over-active imagination. But it's benefitting both of us, so I don't feel the least bit embarrassed or ashamed.) I'm also a little pissed off because he's been holding out on me! Why would he do that? (I'm thinking to myself.) It couldn't be because he thinks that maybe I would be offended. Couldn't be! Maybe he has some sort of Madonna complex going on. Like I'm not supposed to like kinkiness after I've had children?

<---------Madonna complex=This kind, but so not me.

I'm not this kind,
but I'm working on it-------->

So, I am on a quest. I feel certain of its existence. It may take some hard work. I may have to dig, poke & prod to find it. But I know it's there. My own personal marital holy grail. MY HUSBAND'S SECRET SUPERFREAK!!

coming next... Bad Christy- fanning the flames and her new curiosity about toys

1 comment:

  1. Here is my theory about the Twilight fanfic. We moms have no stimulation in our day to day lives, especially if we're not working and interacting with attractive men. But popping in a porno doesn't do it either. So we all fell for Edward/Rob after Twilight but wished it was more adult-rated. And the fanfic fills that void.

    My hubs thinks it's bizarre but he'll take it. :)