Monday, March 30, 2009

Advice to new bloggers

IF you choose to write a blog for the sole purpose of having a place to put all the bizarre, inappropriate things that are prone to fly out of your mouth because otherwise your head would blow up I offer these suggestions...

1. Do NOT casually mention at a meeting with the youth minister and attending youth that you blog. Because it seems that EVERYONE blogs and wants to follow yours. It's like adding friends on myspace or facebook. A follower doesn't count as a real friend.

2. Do NOT tell them the name of the blog. For gawd's sake don't tell them the name of the blog! Because you WILL forget that you casually mentioned something about flicking the bean two posts back. Try to remember that you will see these people at church, and they will know what you do, and think, and say. They may even tell others... Even worse, they may tell your husband about your blog... And then the jig is truly up. I mean caput! Over! Take your ass off the grill because you are done! You will find yourself censoring yourself again, and then you are back to square one with a charred spot where your head used to be.

3. TRY to remember that your blog is your happy place... a place where you are free to be, do and say anything you like... If you make the stupid mistake of telling someone the name, you will have to enter the blogger witness protection program which involves packing up all your dainty ladylike thoughts and expletives onto a thumbdrive and learning a whole new website/format. Do you really want that? Especially not after you just figured out how to put little applets in.

3. LIE about your blog name. If you are going to lie about something, and I'm certainly not advocating lying, but if you were to lie about something, your blog name would be a real good one to lie about. Make something up. Have it ready, just in case you forget that you don't want people to know that you blog. I would suggest something along the lines of:
  • Crazy cat lady blog
  • Crazy for compost
  • 1001 uses for lint
  • My favorite canned soup recipes

You get the idea.

4. PROMISE to blog about them, with pictures attached, if they even attempt to follow your blog publicly. Or worse yet, tell other friends/acquaintances that know you. This is not the time to be nice or Christ-like. I personally advocate a scorched earth policy here. Even if it is the youth minister. This is not the time to back down... stare him down and remind him that volunteers are hard to come by, especially in dealing with teenagers.



  1. LOL I feel totally responsible about the whole "name" thing. But I still think it's a kick-ass name. :)

  2. Heh. I can totally agree on 3 or 10 of these things...(I should have told everybody my blog was about corned beef, but I didn't)

  3. LOL! I totally agree...there are so many days when I wished I hadn't broadcasted my blog info to everyone I know, that way I could actually be venting and cussing some people out some days! ;)

  4. LOL! I wish I had read this before I told my parents about my blog. I can't have diarrhea of the mouth sad.

  5. Amen. And if you do decide to create a blog and make the mistake of telling all these people. don't make a new one and then post about it on your old one. seriously.

  6. I love these ideas. I recently had a conversation with my husband about how quickly my blog went generic after I gave my sister- and mother-in-law the link.
    I started trading obscenities for fluffier words and completely omitted a hilarious post about sex all together because what the hell would happen if they knew I had sex and cursed??? (as if...i'm seven months pregnant and I thought Irish Spring was mouthwash up until last year).
    Blog away, Bad Christy. I'll follow you and keep my judgements for a secret place. Like my own blog. :0)

  7. But then on the other hand... I could use the opportunity to really let loose and let fly, then let those that will judge, judge and those that laugh, laugh their ass off at those that judge. I mean, what the hell did they expect with a name like "Bad Christy".

  8. There is and will not be judgment from me- even though I am the notorious said youth minister. You go girl and keep letting it all hang out- it is great.