Thursday, November 19, 2009

Positive Neutrals

Okay, so I got news from from one of my sisters a couple days ago that my nephew and his wife are expecting.

They are young- both in their early 20s, no jobs, no insurance, no home. He's going to school and in his junior year.

Okay, okay... I know that early 20s in not necessarily young in terms of having babies. It could be worse, they could be teenagers. But, like the rest of their family (speaking of his) it is the latest occurance that points to a lack of forethought and refusal to listen to advice. However, it could have been an accident. Pills sometimes don't work, condoms break. In which case, it was meant to be, and I'm fine with that.

So what is missing about this news is the lack of comment and rush to tell me about the newest relative by my mother and oldest sister.

My husband says that they probably haven't said anything because they already know my opinion, have a hard time not expressing it and simply don't want to hear it.

Okie, dokie. I'm sure he's 100% correct. I've got an opinion, a mouth and know how to use both.

But Thanksgiving is coming, my family will be required to gather at my mother's, the baby/pregnancy will occupy probably 90% of all Thanksgiving conversation. I have to prepare myself. I do NOT need to shoot from the hip. I get into BIG trouble when that happens. (Last time that happened, my oldest sister and I didn't speak for at least 6 months.) I need carefully prepared statements and talking points. Something neutral but can be taken as supportive and positive.

Here is my starting list. Please feel free to email/comment with suggestions.

Babies are so sweet and smell like poop and baby powder.
Hope you're getting your sleep on.... cause you're going to need it.
.... And you meant to do this?!
You must be so excited and scared.

That's it. That's all I've got. Beyond that, I'm going to have to rely on keeping food stuffed in my mouth to keep from talking. Or I could chew really really slowly.

Somebody help me here.


  1. Well...."We're thinking about having a baby" and "We're having a baby" are two different scenarios. Your worries and advice would be well warranted if it weren't already a done deal. But it is. That zygote is dividing.

    They're already expecting you to be disapproving so maybe throw 'em a curve ball and be all "THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!"

    Then when their guard is down, start lobbing in the passive-aggressive comments:

    "Take pictures of your body now cuz it'll never be this good again! hahahahaha."

  2. I disagree with Sue. Start sharp and then give them the velvet glove.

    "You guys are in deep shit, but babies are sooo fun after the first-like- TWELVE weeks. Pass the yams?"

    Chew slowly.

  3. So, my remarks will be...

    "This is going to be soooo much fun!"
    (subscript... meet me in aerobics class" or "do not call me if the kid is teething!"

    "sooo much fun!" could also be interpreted as I'm going to be laughing my ass off at you while I'm at the bar! With MY kids in tow!


    "You're going to have soooo much fun!"

    subscript... "cleaning up puke at 2 a.m." or
    "sitting through parent-teacher conferences" or... "explaining why your biter/hitter should be allowed to remain in daycare"
    or .... "dealing with a screaaming meemy meltdown in the middle of a restaurant when all you really want to do is smack the little SO.. darling"

    (yes, I am THAT good of a mother- I know fear and intimidation... they are excellent parenting tools.)

    thank you both...